Atheism

Being an atheist must really suck. You have no holidays to celebrate, you have no days in the year where alternate side of the parking rules are relaxed specifically for you, no specific music to share at family gatherings and most importantly no special foods to consume for that special occasion. You also do not have any supreme being to absolve you of any sins. You don’t even have a United Nations organization to turn to for relief. Atheists have no supreme being to thank for making that last second foul shot or for kicking the winning field goal in the fourth quarter. Whose will is it when caught in a hurricane or earthquake? What are your chances of winning the lottery when your competition is getting help from you know who? Do you even have a “fundamentalist” group to be part of? When in the throes of lovemaking can you ever say “Oh my God”? If you sneeze do your fellow atheists even bother to acknowledge it?

To alleviate the problem the United Nations intends to begin a Food for empty promises program. Now that’s a program the UN is qualified to run. This problem too must be Israel’s fault. Therefore I suggest Israelis trade their designation as the “Chosen People” to the atheist movement for a commandment to be named later as a form of reparation. Hallmark is preparing to sell atheist spiritual greeting cards with an empty message on the inside. They should corner the market with an aggressive sales program.